"I'm not worried about what I want; I just want to make sure that everyone else has what they want."

It's an unspoken chorus of women who have been raised to believe that being "selfless" is their greatest gift to the world.

Underneath it lurks a great fear.

"If my family knew how I really feel or if I insisted on what I want, they would stop loving me!"

As women, many of us were taught that being valued by others means leaving ourselves behind. We quickly learn to act in ways that are inconsistent with our own beliefs and feelings in order to avoid displeasing people whom we love and need. What a paradox! For in order to be truly valued by another, we must present an authentic self, not a façade designed to avoid rejection. Authenticity is the sine qua non of true connection with others, and yet it is our fear of disconnection that drives us to hide our real thoughts and feelings, i.e. to reject ourselves. What a joy to suddenly understand that fully becoming the person you are meant to be is actually the very best way to serve others!

The fact is, by fully defining and appreciating ourselves, we naturally become empowered to release our unique gifts and dreams into our work and our relationships, and to achieve joy and flow in our lives. The people we care about are best served when we are acting from wholeness, not by our “playing a part” in an attempt to please them. Only when we allow our individual sparks to glow is the Universe at its brightest.

Copyright © Fran Hendrick, 2005. All Rights Reserved.

Resource Box: Fran Hendrick, M.Ed., P.C.C., personal development coach and counselor, specializes in a highly creative and light-hearted approach to helping women of all ages make the profound changes they need in order to lead lives they love to wake up to. Visit www.womenslifedesigncoaching.com for more information.